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Kids, Kids, Kids…Prayer

07/29/2013

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As your children are growing up, you think once I get through these crazy teen years and they are adults my parenting will go away or at least less intense. I think it gets harder, especially when you can see that they are hurting themselves and/or their kids and you are basically powerless to help or initiate change. I watch in fear, fear that my grandkids or my child will be hurt, psychologically or physically or both. I do not want my grandchild to come to me and say “Grandma you knew this might happen and didn’t stop it, why?” Why? Because although I am aware of the possibility, my hands are tied because your mom and dad are still your parents right now and they feel that they are making the right decisions to keep you safe. Child Protective Services seems to be in agreement at this point and unless things change there is nothing more I can do but keep a close eye on you and watch how you are acting carefully.

I was given the advice to let this go and put it in the Lord’s hands, that if it is to be prevented, he has the ultimate power not me. I was told to pray and turn it over to him and then ask him to see what I need to see, hear what I need to hear and understand what I need to do.

 

Pray–I think I have said this here on the blog before–if only it was that simple for me. I have severe trust issues, especially with men. I do not believe that I am worthy or deserving to pray and have prayers answered. I feel like I need to be in control, then only I can disappoint myself. Hence the difficulty in praying. Oh yes, there is that intellectual part of my brain that says this is all rubbish. The emotional side overrides that and takes over, I know practice the skills I have been showed and taught to help override this fear, somehow all it does is make me want to run. Run as fast as I can, as far as I can and hide. Good old flight or fight response.

 

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