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The love hate relationship

06/22/2011

I saw my therapist two weeks ago and have tried to sit and write since then and haven’t had much luck getting anything typed that made any sense.

Bottom line is I am struggling, I know rationally that what I am doing to try to soothe myself and deal with life anre not things that will ultimately lead me to where i want to be, yet at the same time they are the only things that “come to mind” when I am stuck here in this bad place and everything is happening around me that I have no control over.

She said something to me again about how when I get here i can’t see and remember that reacting this way just makes it harder and hurts me, and that there are other things I can do to soothe myself, but I honestly don’t know what they are (not making excuses, when I am here, that part of my brain is locked up tight) She agrees with that statement, but also tells me that she has to be the bad guy right now and insist that I make I choice to stop and change what i am doing if i want how I feel to change. she said something about sometimes having to disagree with what I am saying and being the bad guy. She wrote some things down to try and get me to try as alternatives.

I love her dearly and know that she has my best interests in mind, but sometimes i feel like she expects too much, and doesn’t understand where I am at emotionally how impossible it is to do what she is asking me to do.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. 06/23/2011 10:11 am

    It’s so frustrating when they act like it’s a choice we’re making to feel so icky. If we felt like it was a choice, we would choose otherwise, right? I hope you can feel understood & gently encouraged, not just encouragement to change. . .

    (((hugs)))

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