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A Break from Normal Life

06/03/2011

For the last week I have spent the time away from home. The idea was that a change of scenery would lead to a change in my mood. I have been up in the mountains and out of the valley since last Friday. I will return home sometime on Sunday, probably early as I have our vehicle with no AC and the high at home on Sunday is supposed to be 106. I had considered driving home Saturday night, but the heat will still be there in the evening making an uncomfortable drive and in the morning it will be cooler when I arrive in the valley.

I am currently here alone, but there have been several different configurations of people here over the last week. Last Friday my husband and daughter and I came up, Saturday afternoon my oldest son came up, saturday evening my younger son and his girlfriend came up. Late Monday evening both boys and the girlfriend when down in one car and left one here for me. Tuesday morning my daughter left and my husband left at noon. Wednesday afternoon my girlfriend came up and left Friday morning. I will be here alone until I go home Sunday morning (unless someone surprises me).

My emotions have been all over. I was ok when we first got up here, getting ready to come I had a major anxiety attack, anytime I start getting close to a deadline my anxiety raises, and words and things start flying. As more people descend upon us and the noise level and activity level rise, my tolerance for anything decreases. It is not that they were out of hand loud or crazy, it is just my level is near zero! Monday night I kept trying to get the kids out the door and they wanted to watch one more movie. I just go hide.  I was so glad to be alone on.

Alone is only good for me for so long, I have a list of things I want to get done, I have the best of intentions, but without being accountable to anyone but myself, I struggle to do what is right. I struggle with my moods. I had to get bedspreads to Laundromat to be washed and it took me until 5 to get out the door to do it, barely made it before they closed. Just couldn’t get myself out of the depression fog enough to get going.

Would it be better to go home early? Would anything be better? Would I just feel guilty for not getting everything on my list done? And then what may be waiting for me at home? Will it set me off even more?

Too many questions and not enough answers….

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