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Tearing Down the Wall One Brick at a Time

04/21/2011

There are many walls I would like to tear down, one is my fear of “coming out” about my mental illness. I watch and hear what is said by the media, by people at the store, at church, at schools, just about anywhere you can imagine. I would say 90% of what you hear is negative. Mental Illness has a bad rap. And, guilt by association gives my life a bad rap. And, I haven’t even gone public, a choice few know of my struggles, some gloss over it and pretend it doesn’t exist, others are supportive, some want to be supportive and just don’t know what to do or say, some are supportive until I become too needy and as a result they push away from our relationship, and there are those who flat out look at you like you just turned green with purple spots and sprouted horns and run for their lives.

The very first wall I have had to tear down is allowing myself to accept my diagnosis, accept that this is one of my trials, accept that it makes me different from others, and accept that it is an invisible disability. The bricks of this wall came down slowly, and sometimes one would come down and two would go back up. There have been many times when I built that wall higher and stronger than it was before to protect myself, until I can slowly start to tear it down again.

Me

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